A woman recently upset her close friend’s family after she told their young daughter that she wouldn’t put her hair in cornrows or beads because the little girl wasn’t black. Here’s what she had to say.
She’s close to this guy
The 21-year-old woman had a male friend whom she felt could become more than just a friend in the future.
He has a half-sister
The 22-year-old male friend experienced a complex dynamic within his family, particularly with his father and stepmother, often feeling like he didn’t quite fit in. However, amidst this complexity, he had a unique and close bond with his 8-year-old half-sister, Mary.
The woman is black, and he’s white
The woman said, “Up until now, his dad and stepmom have been nice enough to me, but with the cultural differences of me being Black American middle class vs. them being wealthy Europeans, there were bound to be some gaps in perspective.”
They went out as a family
On a particular day, the entire family attended a celebration marking the anniversary of a children’s organization. The stepmother, who was actively involved as a patron of the organization, brought along Mary, to the event.
The sister saw something she liked
While there, the woman saw a 4-year-old boy with cornrows that needed fixing and helped him out. Mary then asked if she could have her hair done in the same style. Not wanting to encourage cultural appropriation, the woman declined and promised to explain her reasons later.
She asked again
Shortly after, another girl needed help with her beaded hair, which had gotten stuck to some velcro. After assisting her, she was approached by Mary again, who asked to try the same hairstyle.
Her comments weren’t taken well
“I told Mary that because the kids were black and had different kind of hair than hers, there were certain styles they could wear that she couldn’t. I said it gently, but she looked a little hurt. I tried to take her to do some more activities together, but she declined and walked away.”
The mom was unhappy
About twenty minutes later, the stepmother confronted the woman, visibly upset, and inquired about what had been said to her daughter.
She tried to explain
The younger woman repeated her explanation, and the stepmother accused her of being racist and projecting her politics and bias onto a child. The woman defended herself, but the stepmother didn’t want to hear it and kept Mary away from her for the remainder of the day.
Then Dad sent a message
The woman continued, “After the event, I got a message from my friend’s dad saying he was disappointed in me for exposing his daughter to “woke nonsense.” I wasn’t able to see her or any of her brothers for the rest of the trip, and none of my calls were returned.”
It was a shock
Although she knew the family was protective of Mary, the woman never expected such a reaction.
Nobody’s on her side
In discussing the situation with her close male friend, he agreed that his stepmother was wrong for calling her racist but suggested she herself had been the one to bring up race. She confided in other friends, who all shared a similar perspective.
She wonders if she should have handled things differently
The woman said, “I really valued the friendship I had with Mary and some of his other siblings. I see maintaining at least a cordial relationship with his family as important if we’re going to become a couple moving forward.”
She asked for advice online
One user commented, “If the main culture takes something and monetizes it without proper attribution, I have a problem. But if someone shows an interest in another person’s culture, takes the time to learn the history, and wants to use it, I think that’s appreciation. Apologize, and if they speak to you again, maybe the mom will let you introduce the daughter to a beautiful thing.”
Another wrote, “YTA and racist. I am Asian, so don’t even get me started on cultural appropriation. Do you eat only African food? Wear only African clothes? You pick and choose what suits you. That was a mean thing to do to a child, and she will remember how a black woman treated her meanly.”
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Images are for illustrative purposes only
Source: Reddit
