A woman recently faced a moral dilemma over whether she was right to ask strangers entering a public bathroom if they could use paper towels because her autistic daughter was terrified of the loud dryer noise.
Here’s what the mother had to say.
“The whole world is just such an inhospitable place for my daughter, Ivy. She is five years old, and nothing has been easy for her. She has sensory issues, motor difficulties, gastrointestinal problems, nightmares and irrational fears, a language delay, social-emotional challenges, and more. Everything is a struggle. Most of these things I cannot shield her from, and she has to face them, and she has to fight, and she has to cope every day.”
Loud noises, in particular, terrified Ivy, especially hand dryers. This made public restrooms a challenging experience, and the mother always had to consider this whenever they went out together.
Ivy enjoyed stories, so they often visited their local library to read books together. The library’s restrooms had a hand dryer and a paper towel dispenser.
Whenever Ivy needed to use the bathroom there, the mother would accompany her and politely ask anyone who entered if they could use the paper towels instead of the hand dryer since the noise frightened her daughter.
People were generally understanding, and this had never been a problem before.
“However, yesterday, a woman came in to wash her hands, and when I asked her, she rolled her eyes at me and blatantly told me no. Ivy, who was already on the toilet, overhead and started panicking and tried to leave the bathroom, but she was too late,” the mom said.
The unknown woman turned on the hand dryer, causing Ivy to become extremely upset and start hyperventilating. The mother escorted her daughter out, and it took some time to calm her down.
The other woman later walked past them, rolling her eyes again, and told the mother she wasn’t doing her daughter any favors and that she was old enough to learn to cope. The mother was shocked and only managed to tell the woman to leave.
The mother felt the woman was entirely out of line, but her husband partially agreed with the stranger, suggesting that they shouldn’t expect the world to accommodate Ivy and that it was somewhat entitled to ask.
The woman disagreed, “it’s such a small thing, though. I never imagined it could be an inconvenience to anyone, or I would not have asked. Paper towels are more hygienic anyway. Of course, I know Ivy has to work on this fear, but the world is already asking so much of her at the moment. I want her to tackle it in her own time.”
Ivy has now said she never wanted to revisit the library, and the mother was heartbroken that this safe space had been taken away from her daughter.
The events have left the mom wondering whether she had the right to ask strangers not to use the hand dryer or if she was entitled to request others to accommodate her daughter’s mental illness. She took to Reddit to ask the internet for advice on the matter.
One Reddit user said, “gentle YTA. I sympathize with your desire to make the world a little less awful for Ivy to deal with, but you’re not doing her any favors by relying on the grace and kindness of others, as you learned. Get ivy earplugs if noises are too much for her or practice strategies.”
Another commented, “there’s going to be plenty of loud noises that you can’t control. Sirens, screaming babies, loud music, carnivals, chatter on buses. You need to understand you can’t control every single noise incident in public.”
A third agreed, “what if the stranger lady had issues about using paper towels? What if her OCD only allowed her to feel clean after using a dryer?”
Have you ever asked a stranger to do something to accommodate a loved one? Do you think the mother was fair to ask others to use paper towels?
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Source: Reddit
