A woman recently questioned her decision to refuse to go and help her mother and step-siblings after her unkind stepfather was diagnosed with an illness that requires a lot of care. The woman claimed her stepdad always mistreated her and didn’t deserve her help, and her mother wasn’t much better.
Here’s what the daughter has to say.
“My mom and I have a contentious relationship. We have been mostly estranged for the last seven years. I say ‘mostly’ because she has made some effort to stay in touch while I faded away. My dad died when I was 4. He and mom were not married, but they were together.”
The mother relied heavily on her father’s family for support after his death. But eventually, she moved away with her daughter to start a better life, where she met John and got married.
Both John and the mother insisted that the daughter should call John “dad” and refer to him as such with others. She was instructed not to correct anyone who used the term “dad” or “father” for John and to correct those who called him her stepfather.
The woman said, “when my mom gave John children, it became very clear he never saw me as his. I was treated differently. I was not given the same anything. Yet the rules remained in place that I call John “dad” and would get punished for any instance of not. Mom always took his side, always backed him up, and always agreed that he deserved some kind of respect.”
Even as an adult, the stepdaughter still harbored bitterness over the situation. She didn’t want John to be her father, but if she was going to be forced to address him as such and correct people who spoke the truth, she felt she should have been treated better.
That never happened, and she moved out the day she turned 18, cutting ties with her mother and John. Although her mother reached out occasionally, the daughter felt good about not having them around.
“Now John has been diagnosed with a neurological condition, and my mom is caring for him. She asked me to come and help her. To help him. To help out their children. I refused. She told me she needed me, they needed me, and I’m their daughter,” the woman said.
The daughter told her mother that she didn’t care and wouldn’t help, and they deserved nothing from her after everything they had done. She accused her mother of failing her as a parent. She said that they were already dead and buried as far as she was concerned, and she didn’t want anything to do with either of them.
The mother argued that her daughter was being unfair, holding onto the past too much, and lacking compassion. She urged her to think of the good times they had shared.
In response, the daughter said, “You forced me to say stuff I didn’t want to say as a kid in order to appease your husband, who didn’t treat me like his kid anyway.”
A family friend then contacted the daughter and told her she should be ashamed of her actions. The friend pointed out that while her mother and John were imperfect in the past, they were still her family.
Moreover, this friend added that the woman was piling stress on her mother, who was already doing the hardest job imaginable; caring for a sick loved one.
However, the daughter felt that her past experiences and the unfair treatment she had received from them were enough to justify her decision.
Still, she struggled with conflicting feelings of anger, resentment, and responsibility toward her family. So, she asked for the opinion of the online community, wondering if she was indeed right to prioritize her own mental health in this case.
One internet user wrote, “your mom and stepdad both failed you as parents. Both of them disrespected your memory of your father. Your stepdad forced you to call him something he wasn’t entitled to and didn’t live up to. Your mom chose him and his kids over you; the only parent you had left didn’t protect you. Now she can live by her choice.”
A second commented, “I cannot believe that people in the 21st century are still forcing children to, essentially, forget a deceased parent and call their remaining parent’s spouse mom/dad!”
Another said, “NTA. He made it clear he wasn’t your father. Now it’s your turn to make clear you are not his daughter.”
Do you think the woman was cruel to refuse to help her family, given the circumstances? What would you advise her to do for the best?
He Found Out He Was Getting Fired So Called the Safety Inspector and Got the Entire Factory Closed
Source: Reddit
