The transgender brother and legal guardian of a 9-year-old boy recently considered giving him up after the child refused to stop using his pregnancy as an excuse to call him female. Here’s what he had to say:
He Cares For His Younger Brother
At 18 years of age, the young man, who is transgender, had gained full custody of his 9-year-old half-brother, Matthew, after the boy’s parents neglected him.
The young man explained, “I have full custody of him per his request and because of my sexist/racist/homophobic mother and stepfather. I always put him first, even before my childhood or teen years, because my terrible parents didn’t care about him.”
His Younger Brother Upset Him
The man, who was assigned female at birth, was 26 weeks pregnant. This news caused Matthew to act unkindly towards his older brother and guardian. A few days earlier, during a drive home from school, Matthew boldly stated that his older brother was a girl, using the argument of biological ability to conceive as justification. These actions caused the man’s guardian, to question their living situation.
He Kept Taunting His Guardian
The first time the younger brother made these assertions in the car, his older brother got upset, but I didn’t scream at him; he just ignored him and told him to shut up.
Unfortunately, the 9-year-old wouldn’t stop and started taunting his older brother repeatedly, insisting that he was a girl because he could make babies.
He Tried To Stay Calm
The man stated, “I had never screamed or lost my temper with him, even when I was a child raising another child (him), so when I told him to shut up, it was the first time.”
Despite the older brother’s efforts to explain his gender identity, Matthew kept insisting that he was female and even started introducing him as his sister to everyone, emphasizing that he was a girl because he was pregnant.
He Became Very Upset
This continual misgendering and deadnaming had added a lot of stress for the elder sibling.
Overwhelmed by the situation, he broke down alone in his room, realizing he couldn’t handle the situation anymore. Despite only having lived together for nearly two months, he was already growing exasperated with Matthew.
He’d Fought Hard for Matthew
The man had challenged Matthew’s parents (his mother and stepfather) in court to win custody. He had also worked hard to provide a proper bedroom and a good school for his brother.
Yet the return he received was causing him considerable hurt. Despite feeling guilty about blaming the child, he couldn’t suppress his developing resentment. The little boy reminded him increasingly of his stepfather, whom he hated.
Now He Wanted To Give Him Up
The pregnant man sought advice from his therapist and legal teams, leaning towards letting go of Matthew’s custody.
The boy’s actions, while persisting for only two days, had already made his life unbearable. Although he never lost his temper or yelled at Matthew, he had become visibly upset when the teasing first began and had begged the boy to stop repeatedly, to no avail.
Others Called It Normal Behavior
People suggested that Matthew’s behavior was typical for boys his age, but the older brother was adamant about not tolerating it.
“I refuse to put up with it because he’s a boy, and ‘it’s just what they do.’ This isn’t 1985, and boys don’t get an excuse to hurt anyone who isn’t a cisgender male.” Matthew’s actions were also affecting their sister, who identified as queer.
What Should He Do?
The past couple of days had been filled with more tears than he had shed over the entire last year since he had left his parents’ house. Despite escaping from a tormenting environment, he was now facing similar distress from his little brother.
At a loss, the young man decided to consult the internet to get some good advice about how to handle the situation.
The Internet Responded
One internet poster said, “Are you fit to be a parent? Your reaction to a 9-year-old is extreme. Imagine having a toddler with tantrums or a reactive teenager. Also, your pregnancy will cause others to see you as female; I don’t know how you’ll be able to mentally survive this.”
Another person responded, “I sympathize with you, but that poor boy being tossed around is going to be traumatizing for him as well.”
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