The man recently made his wife cry and angered his daughter when trying to explain why his wife’s daughter wouldn’t be treated the same way as his own daughter when she visits. Here’s what he had to say.
They both have 17-year-old children
In a family formed from previous relationships, a man and his wife each had daughters who were 17 years old. The daughter of the man had lived with them ever since their marriage. However, Marci, the wife’s daughter lived elsewhere.
They tried to get custody of Marci
For nearly 16 years, the wife had been embroiled in legal battles, court filings, and CPS investigations but had never managed to secure custody or even consistent visits with Marci. “There were a few orders on her side at points, but enforcing them was impossible. It sounds like an excuse, I know, but it’s really not,” he explained.
Marci emancipated herself
The circumstances took a turn for the worse last autumn when Marci was confronted with yet another lengthy delay as her mother prepared to make another court filing. Rather than enduring this process again, Marci chose to take matters into her own hands and decided to emancipate herself.
They supported Marci’s decision
“My wife decided to back it because, and it blows my mind that this was the case, emancipation had the better chance of winning, and Marci gave the impression that she was using this as a way to get away from her father and would want to come live with her,” he said.
Marci had lied
However, this wasn’t Marci’s intention, but it did open a line of communication between the mother and her daughter. Marci planned to visit for three weeks in the summer. Her mother couldn’t wait.
His daughter got annoyed
This sparked an argument with the man’s daughter. Due to the unique circumstances, they couldn’t enforce the usual house rules they would for a child. Anything that would be fine for an adult guest had to be overlooked, such as Marci smoking or inviting her partner to stay during the visit.
He had to agree to her demands
“I can just say not to smoke indoors. Of course, I don’t want to also be welcoming Marci’s partner to come to stay with us for the trip, but that’s a deal-breaker for her, and my wife wants this to happen, so it’s happening,” he said.
His daughter wasn’t happy about this
His daughter complained, “She’s seeing someone that’s literally two months younger than her be held to a completely different standard.” However, the reality was that, despite their similar ages, Marci wasn’t a child in the same way that the man’s daughter was.
The children weren’t the same
“Marci just isn’t a child like my daughter is. We’d love to live in a world where both girls grew up living with us and we got to have the exact same standards and similar conflicts, but that’s not the one we live in,” he explained.
He explained this to his daughter
The man tried to explain the situation to his daughter. He suggested she view Marci as an adoptee in her 20s reconnecting with her birth mother, as it was the closest analogy he could think of.
This upset his wife
His wife burst into tears and got mad at him for saying that. Everyone started to argue, and now they couldn’t stop, and he didn’t know what to do.
He asked the internet for advice
What was supposed to be a happy moment has devastated his family, so he turned to the internet for advice. “I don’t really see what I could do differently. This just kind of has to be what it is, and they won’t accept it,” he said.
People responded
One user said, “You’re all dealing with a complicated, emotionally fraught situation. I think you should try to explain again that there’s a difference between guests and residents, but not muddle the topic with age or loaded language about family.”
Someone else said, “This is a great way to ensure the girls pretty much hate each other. Congrats! Also, you really hurt your wife by implying her girl is adopted, thus not really hers.”
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