Narcissists can be skilled manipulators, often employing various tactics to maintain control over their partners. Here are 15 tactics to watch out for that may indicate your partner is trying to manipulate and control you.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where your partner makes you question your own reality, memories, and perceptions. This psychological manipulation can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and dependent on your partner for validation.
Love Bombing
Your partner may shower you with affection, compliments, and gifts during the early stages of your relationship. This tactic, called love bombing, can create an intense emotional connection, making you more vulnerable to later manipulation.
Devaluation
After the love bombing phase, narcissists may begin to devalue their partners by criticizing, belittling, or humiliating them. This tactic is designed to chip away at your self-esteem, making you more reliant on your partner’s approval.
Triangulation
Triangulation involves your partner using a third party to create jealousy, competition, or insecurity. This tactic can destabilize your relationship and force you to vie for your partner’s attention and approval.
Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of punishment, where your partner withholds communication to make you feel anxious, guilty, or unimportant. This tactic can be incredibly damaging to your emotional well-being.
Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism where your partner attributes their own negative traits or behaviors onto you. This tactic can deflect responsibility and make you feel guilty or inadequate.
Isolation
Your partner may attempt to isolate you from friends and family, either directly or indirectly. By controlling your social circle, they can maintain dominance and limit outside influences that may challenge their control.
Financial Control
A narcissistic partner may exert control over your finances, limiting your independence and forcing you to rely on them. This tactic can make it difficult for you to leave the relationship if needed.
Smear Campaigns
If your partner spreads lies or rumors about you to others, it’s a sign they’re engaging in a smear campaign. This tactic aims to discredit you, damage your reputation, and isolate you from potential support.
Moving Goalposts
Narcissists may set unrealistic expectations or continually change their demands, making it impossible for you to meet their standards. This tactic can leave you feeling perpetually inadequate and striving for their approval.
Blame Shifting
When your partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions and instead shifts the blame onto you, it’s a sign they’re using this manipulative tactic. Blame shifting can leave you feeling guilty and confused about your own role in the situation.
Hoovering
If your partner uses promises, flattery, or other tactics to pull you back into the relationship after a separation or argument, they’re likely “hoovering.” This tactic aims to reestablish control and maintain the relationship on their terms.
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail involves your partner using guilt, threats, or intimidation to manipulate your behavior. This tactic can be incredibly damaging and force you to comply with their demands to avoid negative consequences.
Playing the Victim
Narcissists may portray themselves as the victim in conflicts, garnering sympathy and manipulating others to side with them. This tactic allows them to avoid accountability and maintain control over the narrative.
Intermittent Reinforcement
Your partner may use intermittent reinforcement, alternating between affection and cruelty, to keep you guessing and maintain control. This unpredictable behavior can be confusing and make you more emotionally dependent on your partner.
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