A man is going through a tough time with his wife, who just suffered a miscarriage. He recently refused to pick her up from work as he was exhausted by her constant crying. He knows it’s an emotional time, but it’s becoming too much for him.
Here’s what he had to say.
The man is 26, his wife is 23, and they have been together for three years. Recently, his wife started becoming emotional, often over the smallest little things. He said, “there wasn’t a banana? She cries, no sugar? She cries. Missed her bus? She cries.”
It got to a point where the man thought that perhaps his wife was pregnant, but they discovered that she was actually infertile. He realized this was hard news for her to take, and a new baby arriving at the nursery where she works didn’t help the situation.
He has tried to be understanding and empathetic and drops everything to comfort her when she cries, even when she calls him at work in tears. The man, however, always feels tired as his wife won’t stop crying.
His wife usually leaves for work at 6.30 am to get to work by 9.30 am. She takes a bus and then walks for an hour to get there. The man offered to drive, but she chose to go by herself.
Then one particular day, he told her to take an umbrella. She forgot. She called him in tears, told him it was raining, and asked if he could pick her up. He said, “I can’t. I have a meeting.”
His wife told him that she was sure his boss would understand, but he refused to go and pick her up even though he knew that his work probably would have been completely understanding
That night his wife came home angry. The man was amazed that she wasn’t crying, but he hadn’t expected her anger. In fact, he says she has barely spoken to him since.
She comes home late and then does some coursework. He then got a text from her at work one day, telling him that she was going to organize some driving lessons, and he thought that this was because she was still angry.
He talked through the situation with some friends, and they thought he lacked empathy. The man understands that his wife is not doing great, but he’s starting to feel worn down by the constant crying.
He, therefore, asked the Reddit community if he was a jerk for not picking up his wife when he had the opportunity to.
One user said, “your wife is showing textbook signs of depression. She needs to see even just a primary care physician so they can help her determine the cause and help her get better.”
Another said,” your wife’s life sounds really difficult right now. She found out two months ago that she can’t have children, she has to commute three hours each way to work, and once she gets there, she is confronted by her infertility in a whole other way.”
Overall, the Redditors weren’t against the man and appreciated that both he and his wife are going through hard times.
One user suggested he get help from family, saying, “if she has friends or family that can help take some of the emotional “burden” off of you, it might be a good idea to reach out to them. Even if it just keeps her busier and gives her more things to look forward to.”
Another suggested therapy, “I would approach your wife again about therapy. If she won’t do it, present the idea of couple’s counseling. You guys can go together, it can’t hurt, but maybe she can slowly open up, and you can start stepping out of the appointments when she’s ready. Sometimes it makes people feel safer to start with someone who loves them.”
What do you think about the man’s situation? What should he do?