A woman is asking for advice after she got into a heated argument with her sister-in-law after passing her personal relationship texts directly on to her brother.
The woman had requested several times to be left out of the couple’s squabbling and threatened to pass on information directly to her brother if it continued. When it didn’t stop, she made good on her threat.
Here’s what she had to say about it.
The woman’s family, originally from the US, relocated to Switzerland when she and her brother were young.
Her brother Todd returned to the US for college, where he married Hayley. The couple eventually returned to Switzerland when Hayley became pregnant with their first child, Josh.
“Since Hayley and Todd got married, and especially since she gave birth, Hayley has been trying to involve my mother and me in her and Todd’s relationship. She started texting my mother when she and Todd would disagree, asking my mother her opinion or if she could talk to Todd on her behalf. My mother was very uncomfortable with this. My mother was happy to help out with anything to do with adjusting to living in a different country. Still, she really didn’t want to get involved in Hayley and Todd’s relationship,” the woman said.
Hayley then began texting the woman herself, asking her to come over and talk about disagreements with Todd or seeking advice on handling personal relationship problems.
The woman clearly expressed that she didn’t want to get involved in her brother’s marriage and that doing so was inappropriate. However, Hayley didn’t take the hint and started showing up at the mother’s house and the woman’s apartment.
The woman and her mother have spoken to Todd separately about this issue numerous times, but nothing seems to change.
A few days ago, the situation escalated when Hayley called the woman again.
“She was screaming and sobbing so loudly my sales assistant could hear her even though she wasn’t on loudspeaker. I ended up being able to understand that she was upset with Todd about money; he had changed his credit card details, and she was very upset.”
The woman continued, “she wanted me to talk to him, but I told her I was not getting involved in this, and I was sick of her trying to drag me into her marriage. I told her that from now on, any messages or information shared with me would be passed along to Todd because I was done, and I hung up.”
When Hayley continued to send texts, the woman forwarded them all to Todd as promised, causing further problems in the couple’s relationship.
Later that same evening, the woman received a long text from Hayley accusing her of betraying her confidence and being a terrible person and for never helping her with anything.
The woman simply forwarded the message directly to Todd. Since then, neither the woman nor her mother has heard from Hayley.
However, the woman was left feeling uncertain when she confided in her friends, “I was at lunch with my friends yesterday, all of whom know about the background to this, and they all said that while I definitely should have made sure Todd handled it, I probably shouldn’t have forwarded him the messages immediately and that I did betray Hayley’s trust,” she said.
The woman, therefore, sought advice on Reddit, questioning if there was a better way she could have handled the situation without causing extra turmoil in her brother’s home, especially in light of her friends’ opinions.
A Reddit user responded to her dilemma, “NTA. You continuously told her that you were not getting involved. She didn’t listen to you and kept going. She shouldn’t be calling you at work hysterical and, again, not respecting the boundary you set. There is a difference between venting and needing to talk about issues; it is completely different from asking people to get involved in something that has nothing to do with them.”
A second poster said, “this had nothing to do with venting or talking about issues. Hayley was trying to manipulate her husband by getting his family to pressure him. If he didn’t agree with her or she didn’t get what she wanted, she went to them to get them involved, to make Todd do what she wants.”
Another user also took the woman’s side, “rather than talk things out with her husband, Hayley continually goes to outside people and unnecessarily drags them in. This doesn’t sound like a marriage that will last. NTA. You warned her, and she still didn’t stop.”
What would you do if repeatedly asked to wade into someone else’s marital problems? Do you think the woman’s actions were justified?
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