A woman wants to know if she’s being a jerk for asking her roommates to stop having her boyfriend over for long periods of time.
This woman shares her apartment with two of her girlfriends, Alice and Janet.
Janet has a long-distance boyfriend called Josh. Josh doesn’t often visit, as he’s a 45-minute flight away. But when he does, Josh stays for a long time. On some visits, he’s at the apartment for eight days in a row.
Josh doesn’t interact much with the woman or her other friend, making things a bit weird. For them, it’s like having a 4th roommate they never agreed to.
Plus, Josh and Janet are very loud and spend most of the time lounging around the house, cooking loudly in the kitchen, and listening to the TV at full volume. Josh also has a habit of taking work calls in the living room with no headphones on.
Alice, whose room is closest to the common areas, has asked them to keep the noise down several times. But neither Josh nor Janet pays her much attention.
The woman’s bedroom shares a wall with Janet’s room, creating all sorts of problems during Josh’s extended visits.
“Our doors are literally right next to each other,” explained the woman. “This means that, even with our doors closed, I can hear absolutely everything, from their Netflix to their talking, to them being intimate.”
“It’s genuinely traumatizing (I’m being dramatic, but it really does suck).”
She also has to pass Janet’s room after a shower when she’s coming from the bathroom. She doesn’t feel comfortable doing it in just a towel when Josh is about. So she has to get fully dressed in the bathroom every time.
Having Josh around for so long was frustrating for the woman and Alice. So they decided to bring up the subject with Janet.
They explained how they were uncomfortable with Josh being around so much. They asked if Josh could visit more often but limit the overnight stays to 2-3 days each month.
Janet said the trip wouldn’t be worth it for her or Josh and that they’d promised to see each other every month.
Alice suggested that Janet could visit him or that they could visit other places together. Again, Janet said this wouldn’t work, insisting she couldn’t afford it (neither of the roommates believed her. In fact, they know she has more than enough cash!)
The two friends suggested other options, such as staying in a hotel or Airbnb. But Janet refused them all. Then she dropped the conversation and went off into a huff, slamming cupboards and doors for the next few days.
The situation is still unresolved, and the three friends are nowhere near finding a compromise that works for everyone. And it’s left the woman feeling guilty for even bringing the subject up.
She knows Janet wants to spend time with her boyfriend, which is natural, but his lengthy stays create problems and tension in the apartment. Now the woman and Alice feel anxious every time Janet announces that Josh is coming to stay.
What would you do in an awkward situation like this?
Read the Reddit story here.
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