A woman caused a big family bust-up when she told her husband that she didn’t want his nieces coming over to their rural dream house all the time.
Now she’s wondering if she’s being a selfish jerk and asking for advice.
Here’s how she explains the situation.
“Me and my husband recently bought a rural property within a short driving distance from his parents and both of his siblings, one who has three kids (14F), (12F), and (8F),” the woman said.
For a long time, this woman has known that she never wants kids. She hasn’t got a problem with them. She prefers a quiet, independent, adult-only lifestyle. She also gets on well with her brother’s family, engages with her nieces, and enjoys spending time with them a few times a year.
But they want to start seeing her much more, although it’s got a lot to do with a few recent additions to her dream farm property.
“I’ve been riding horses since childhood, and I now have two. It’s always been a dream of mine,” she said.
As soon as her in-laws found out about the horses, they started dropping lots of very unsubtle hints, i.e., it would be a great experience for the nieces to spend some time around the horses and learn how to ride them.
In other words, they want this woman to give up her weekends to teach the girls how to ride.
And she’s got a couple of problems with that idea.
“I’m not an equestrian instructor by any means,” she said. “I have also never suggested that I would be open to having them over during weekends.”
Plus, becoming a part-time horse ride instructor would disrupt her chosen lifestyle.
“I quite frankly do not want to spend my time having kids around at home with me,” she admitted. “I simply do not feel like spending my weekends like that.”
She told her husband how she felt. But he pushed back, telling her it would be a nice thing to do.
But she refused, knowing that the visits would become a regular thing.
Eventually, her in-laws confronted her about it. The fact that they would put her in this awkward situation made her feel angry, upset, and a little embarrassed.
Still, she stood her ground. The nieces could not spend almost every weekend at the farm.
“They all say I’m being selfish,” said the woman. “My husband’s parents are even treating me differently now. His brother and sister-in-law are calling me a brat.”
They all insist it’s a small sacrifice to make, but she disagrees. And more than that, she has a right to set boundaries with her own life and believes others should respect them.
Now there’s a big rift and lots of tension within the family, and she feels guilty for starting it. So she asked Reddit users the big question: Am I the jerk in this situation?
“Not the jerk,” said one supporter. “They are volunteering your services?? Put your foot down unless you want to be their riding instructor for the next few years.”
“You are not the jerk here,” reassured another. “You get to choose how you want to spend your time. Your brother’s family really overstepped.”
Was this woman right to stand her ground? Is she selfish or just honest in what she wants from life?