A woman whose mother constantly volunteers her time away for charitable causes recently had enough. She came to blows with her mom, but is she in the wrong?
Here is what she had to say.
The 32-year-old woman has, for most of her adult life, had to deal with her mother volunteering her for things without asking first.
If someone reaches out to the woman’s mother for help, she immediately tells them that her daughter can assist and then contacts her with a text that usually reads: “Call me. It’s not an emergency, but (it is) important.”
Most of the time, the woman eventually gives in to her mother’s request and does as she has been asked.
However, she consistently reminds her mother how much she detests being put forward for these things.
“If the person needs something that I can help provide, they can reach out to me themselves,” she said.
One day, the woman had two missed calls and a text from her mother.
As she called her back, her mother told her that the youth pastor needed another easel for a service that was being put on.
Her mother had told the pastor that her daughter had one she could bring, and so asked if she would be OK with that.
The woman said no.
Her mother insisted that it “wouldn’t hurt” to bring it. But the woman held her ground and said she was unwilling to drag the easel “all over the place.”
Her mother would not back down either and said that it would greatly help her.
The woman got angry and once again explained to her mom that she did not have the right to offer her time without first consulting her.
Then, her mother started listing off everything SHE had helped her daughter with.
“For this, she was starting to list off a bill she is helping me pay and the fact we went to dinner for my birthday or lunches we occasionally get,” she said.
But the woman retaliated.
“I helped her remodel the house. I fix her computer all the time. I clean her house. I do yard work for her because my dad is unable to. I house-sit when they are on vacation, which is a lot. That is just listing a few things that I do for them.”
The woman emphasized to her mother, yet again, that the answer was no and that she needed to stop guilt-tripping her.
The youth pastor who needed the easel could easily find another. He could ask the community theater or one of the schools.
The woman simply didn’t want her things to get damaged or have to wait weeks or months for them to be returned to her.
She explained that she may have been more inclined to help if the youth pastor himself had reached out and asked rather than her mother saying it was OK before consulting her.
As such, the woman has turned to the internet to see whether she was in the wrong for refusing to help.
Fortunately for her, most people were on her side.
“Your mother won’t stop doing this until there are consequences for her,” said one person.
Another noted, “she wants to be the hero that helped, which is why she doesn’t direct them to ask you.”
“Tell her that the answer to these relayed requests will always be no, but people are welcome to contact you directly and stick to it.”
“It’s time (past time, actually) to set boundaries with her,” said another commenter.
What do you think? Is the woman wrong for refusing to help her mother?
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