A woman recently asked if she was wrong not to allow her boyfriend’s adult daughter to move in with her. Here’s what she had to say:
They’re in a stable relationship
The woman, aged 41, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, who is 43 years old, for a period of five years.
Their blended family
The woman and her boyfriend are both parents from previous relationships. The boyfriend has a 20-year-old daughter, while the woman’s oldest child is only nine years old. The boyfriend’s daughter resides with her mother, and both the daughter and the woman’s child express feelings of exhaustion and dissatisfaction with their current circumstances.
His daughter is irresponsible
“(The) 20-year-old is supposed to be working and attending class as per the terms of her continuing to live there, but only recently got a job and has missed a lot of school,” she said. “She wants to stay out all night partying and does not want to follow the rules or treat her mother respectfully.”
Her mother is under pressure
The woman is fully aware that the girl’s mother is facing immense challenges in managing the household, including the care of her younger siblings, as well as struggling with financial difficulties.
He suggested she move in
One day, the woman’s boyfriend proposed the idea to his daughter of moving across the country to live with the woman, her children, and himself. However, due to the man’s job, which requires him to be away from home for approximately ten months out of the year, his presence at the house is limited.
The woman doesn’t know his kids
Given that his children are so far away, the woman could count the number of times she has spent with the boyfriend’s kids on one hand. Perhaps understandably, then, the woman and the children are not very close.
She rejected the idea
When the man suggested his daughter move into their home, the woman told him it was a terrible idea.
She doesn’t want to deal with it
She does not want young people drinking and partying in her house or coming in late at night. The woman also does not want her boyfriend’s daughter to bring strangers to the house or be around her own children.
She doesn’t want that around
“I get that these are normal things at her age, so I’m not trying to make her seem like a bad person. I just don’t want it in my house,” she said.
She’s nervous about confrontation
“I have been working for years on my ability to set boundaries and enforce them, but I’m still terrible at it because it still gives me anxiety, and I am a conflict-avoidant.”
The disruption would be too much
Since her own children are approaching their teenage years, the woman knows that she will have to get better at this. That being said, she really isn’t up to the task and does not want her boyfriend’s daughter to turn her life upside down.
She worries she’s wrong about this
She knows the girl would negatively influence her own children, who, naturally, think she is cool. After the woman told her boyfriend about this, he hung up on her, and the two hadn’t spoken much since.
She asked for advice
“Your boyfriend barely lives there,” said one person, “you would be the onsite “parent” to a 20-year-old that has already completely disrespected her own mother’s house rules.”
“He won’t be there to control the situation. He is being a total jerk. This is a terrible idea,” said another commenter.
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Images are for illustrative purposes only
Source: Reddit
