A woman had a good relationship with her daughter, but her husband didn’t like their daughter voicing her opinions in a disrespectful way. When he tried to punish their daughter, the woman defended her. Here’s what she had to say.
Their daughter was 22
Their daughter, Sienna, lived with them while attending college. The woman and her daughter were very close, but she admitted to being quite stubborn. “I’ve always been okay with her voicing her opinions, challenging me, etc. I don’t want her to blindly respect me,” she explained.
They sometimes argued
They occasionally had minor disagreements but always made up quickly as they were open with each other and respected each other.
Her husband gets annoyed by this
“My husband often gets irritated when Sienna and I have a disagreement, telling us both to stop, he doesn’t want to hear it. I’ve told him before that this is healthy communication,” she said.
His daughter speaks to him with respect
Sienna spoke to him with respect, unlike how she spoke to her mother. The woman believes that he shouldn’t be upset if Sienna talks to her in a similar way, as that’s the type of relationship they have.
They’ve tried to explain this to him
“We’ve had several discussions with him about respecting our relationship and how it works. Also, keep in mind that Sienna and I are not arguing heavily every day. We may just have a minor disagreement, or we’ll roll our eyes at one another, joke around, etc., a few times a week,” she said.
He was brought up differently
Due to his upbringing, he was accustomed to a household where questioning his mother or expressing his opinions was not encouraged, leading him to internalize his thoughts and emotions. It was challenging for him to accept that it is healthy for Sienna to voice her opinions and not blindly accept everything her parents say. Additionally, when advised to seek therapy, he has refused to do so.
Sienna was in a bad mood
Recently, after Sienna had a bad day at school and was in a foul mood, she snapped at her mother during dinner. The woman told Sienna there were better ways to answer, and Sienna rolled her eyes.
Her husband was furious
“My husband jumped in and told Sienna to go to her room for being disrespectful. She said she’s an adult, and he said she lives rent-free in his house, so she needs to listen,” the wife explained.
She defended her daughter
She told him everything was fine and that Sienna didn’t need to go to her room. She then asked him to talk about it in the other room.
She reiterated how their relationship worked
She reassured him that she didn’t take issue with Sienna’s brief curt behavior, understanding that she might have been having a difficult day. She explained that they would discuss the matter at a later time, believing that Sienna would likely apologize for her behavior.
He got annoyed
“He said he’s tired of hearing us squabble and to see her talk to me like this. I said I was tired of him trying to control my relationship with her. I said Sienna wasn’t going to her room unless she wanted to, end of discussion. In the end, my husband went up to our room,” she said.
Was she right?
They had barely spoken since, and her husband was clearly annoyed with her, so she started to worry that she had done the wrong thing. She asked Reddit for advice.
People responded
One person said, “You and your daughter have a reasonable dynamic, and he’s projecting his childhood trauma out on you two. He needs therapy, and if he isn’t going to get it, it’s up to you to stick up for your daughter.”
Someone else replied, “If this is a regular communication mode for you and your daughter, you’ve been draining your husband’s energy for a very long time.”
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Source: Reddit
