Have you ever felt the need to explain yourself repeatedly, even when it’s not necessary? In this article, we’ll explore seven ways that overexplaining is hurting you, so you can learn how to break the cycle and communicate more effectively with those around you.
#1 It Makes You Feel Unsafe
If you tend to overexplain as a defense mechanism from prior trauma, then every time you explain something in great detail, it may make you concerned about what the other party is thinking. Are they bored? Do they understand what you’re trying to explain?
Having to explain something in greater detail may make you painfully aware of your tendencies, making you feel unsafe when you approach conversations and explanations as a whole.
#2 It Affects Your Approach to Conflict
Overexplaining can be a defense mechanism, and when you use it, you may not realize how it affects your approach to conflict. Overexplaining can be done to avoid miscommunication or avoid offending someone by explaining something in great deal.
The difficulty is that in healthy relationships, communication takes precedence over justification. In other words, overexplaining can make it feel like you’re being defensive when you explain something that’s caused conflict rather than trying to talk it out thoroughly, even if that’s not your intent.
#3 It Comes Across as Uncoordinated
Overexplaining can be easy to fall into, but you might not realize how it makes other people perceive you. While you may feel you have a perfect reason for each tangent, an unfocused story or explanation can quickly make someone lose interest, making you seem uncoordinated.
Focusing your conversation on a central point and not deviating from it is generally a better approach to retaining someone’s interest.
#4 It May Sound Dismissive
It’s almost counterintuitive that behavior usually centered around avoiding conflict might seem condescending or dismissive; however, explaining something in painstaking detail is often viewed negatively in some contexts, especially if it’s something they already understand well enough.
The recipient might feel you don’t respect their time or intelligence by overexplaining every detail of a subject.
To avoid this concern, establish what the person already knows about the subject and base your response on that rather than going over every detail just in case.
#5 It Makes You Appear Defensive
As mentioned, overexplaining can make your approach to a conflict feel defensive and closed off, even if that’s not your intent. Trying to walk on eggshells by explaining every nuance of a situation can feel like you’re trying to obfuscate or avoid the primary source of conflict.
When discussing a difficult subject with someone, try to avoid going on tangents or sounding as though you’re justifying your reasoning. It’s usually better to opt for a “listen first” approach, assessing the source of their confusion and frustration and focusing your response on the essential details.
#6 It Can Make You Avoid Complex Subjects
If your tendency to overexplain comes from a prior defense mechanism, then the predisposition towards the behavior can make you fearful of approaching a complex subject.
In other words, anytime you need to explain something in detail, you may become hyperaware of your tendency to overexplain and shut the conversation down.
Of course, this approach isn’t a healthy way to handle the conversation, but it’s also not something that’s fixed overnight. It may take some time and discipline to recondition yourself to avoid the defense mechanism of overexplaining a difficult conversation.
#7 It Makes It Difficult to Understand You
While it’s not necessarily your fault, overexplaining can make other people confused or frustrated with you when they’re seeking a simple answer. A tendency to parse through every detail and discuss every side point can make it challenging for others to demystify what you say.
As a result, others may need help understanding or communicating clearly with you if you tend to overexplain.
Final Thoughts
Overexplaining is a trait or defense mechanism that isn’t easy to break, but this habit, while seemingly harmless on the surface, can hurt your social life in various ways.
Others may need help understanding the root cause of the behavior and be frustrated by your convoluted, extended answers to simple questions. At the same time, you yourself may have a hard time managing conflict or approaching complex subjects. However, recognizing the root of the problem and how it can damage you is the first step to recovery.
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