A recent internet survey posed the question, “Married men: what’s one thing you wish you could tell your wife but won’t because you know it will start a fight?” Here are the 23 best responses.
Stop Being a Doormat
“My wife is always running around after her family, and she gets absolutely nothing in return. I’ve tried explaining to her that they are using her up, but she is having none of it.”
“I actually think she needs therapy for that tendency of being a doormat to family requests.”
I Don’t Want to Spend Time With Your Parents
“I get along with my in-laws. With that being said, I don’t want to spend every weekend with them. Before I met my wife, I spent most of my free time alone, and I still want that.”
“You should just tell her this. She can visit them alone every other weekend or something.”
Don’t Feel Obligated
“You love your parents, but you should really tell them when you don’t like stuff or don’t want to do something, so we can stop eating bad meals and going to functions we don’t want to go to.” “Why are so many people afraid to stand up for themselves in even the smallest of ways?”
Tell Me What’s Wrong
“We’ve had too many arguments about this. She just keeps things bottled up until she gets frustrated. I can’t tell her because I have said this so much already, and she just doesn’t listen.”
“Have her write you a letter next time she’s upset. Give her a couple of days to write it.”
Get Better Friends
“My wife’s friends are a needy, useless gang of parasites who leech off of her endlessly, but she’s such a people pleaser that she can’t say no to any of them. One particular friend exploits her good nature to a joke-taking level, so I called her out, and all hell broke loose.”
Stop Caring About What Others Think
“We’re living beyond our means so you can impress your friends and relatives, who don’t care.”
“My ex was always trying to impress people who NEVER initiated contact. I could see what was happening, and she broke up with me when I brought it up. At least now my money is my money.”
You’re Just Like Your Mom
“Remember when you said “if I ever start acting like my mom, tell me”… well…”
“Oh boy, I learned that the hard way. She was being rhetorical when she said that to me.”
“While I wouldn’t like to hear it, I would dislike not hearing it even more.”
You Don’t Owe Your Family Anything
“Guilt issues are real and debilitating. We’ve been together for almost 20 years, and I never met her parents. They both passed when she was in her early twenties. Which is where the guilt, trauma, and FOMO comes from. It’s the extended cousins, but she is getting there.”
I’m Not the Person You Want Me To Be
“The person she fell in love with isn’t the person she wishes I was. This is difficult for her.”
“Women marry men hoping they’ll change, but they don’t. Men marry women hoping they’ll never change, but they do. This describes a lot of the marital suffering I’ve encountered.”
Your Dad’s a Mean Drunk
“I strongly dislike your dad when he drinks. I’d prefer not to be around him, and I don’t want our daughter near him when he’s drinking.”
“As someone who was exposed to his alcoholic grandfather as a child and had trauma from it, you should say or DO something.”
That Isn’t Actually ‘Our Song’
“She has our first kiss song all wrong. I know if I told her the truth, it would be a fight. It’s a secret I’ll live with forever. Her song is an amazing song and fits the theme of love far better than the actual song. And seeing her face every time they play it live is worth the secret.”
The Loudest Person Isn’t Always Right
“Talking louder in an argument does not mean you’re right, and there’s a big difference between winning an argument and being right.”
“True. However, talking louder means it is harder to be interrupted. No one wants to listen when I’m calm. Getting loud is about the only way I get taken seriously.”
Chew More Quietly
“My SO smacks when they snack. Drives me insane! I guess I should be grateful that it’s not an every-meal thing. I just get up and move to another room because, otherwise, we fight.”
“I’m going to reply to this on the chance my wife will search my username for comments.”
Say Sorry When You’re Wrong
“It’s okay to apologize when you make a mistake or when you say something you don’t mean. Being stubborn because you don’t want to ‘lose’ is actually a loss in the long run.”
“Stubbornness is a useful tool, but not a trait worth building a whole personality around.”
Stop Trying to “Win” Disagreements
“You need to learn to relent sometimes. The goal of an argument isn’t winning; it’s a solution.”
“Stop arguing once you’ve made your point; otherwise, you’ll turn a victory into a resentful failure.”
“An argument is you versus me, but a discussion is us versus the problem.”
I’m Not Trying To Start a Fight
“I said this to my wife on Saturday as a disclaimer, and she immediately dropped her book and gave me the “What dumb stuff have you got to say?” look.”
“Why lead with that? Then it automatically puts the idea of a fight in someone’s head.”
If Your Family Member Doesn’t Move Out, I’ll Divorce You
“I moved in with my dad and stepmom for a few months after college, and eventually, he brought me into the garage and said, “I love you, but I have to choose between you and my marriage. I’m choosing my marriage. It’s time to move out.” Simple, concise, and firm.”
Calm Down
“Not every fight has to burn the house down. Sometimes you can just move on from a minor inconvenience.”
“I was like that in my 20s (I’m a woman), and it was because my relationship experience was minimal, and my communication sucked. I was an idiot.”
I Feel Like Everything I Do Is Wrong to You
“My wife’s brother was married to a woman like this. Every little thing he’d do, she’d criticize it. It wore him down. He finally dragged her to marriage counseling, but they got divorced anyway.”
“Don’t neglect your own mental health “for the sake of the marriage.” That’s a killer.”
My Need For Solitude Isn’t About You
“When I spend ten minutes sitting silently in the car before I come inside, that ISNT A PERSONAL SLIGHT AGAINST YOU! That’s part of my routine. It contributes well to my stress management and mental health. I don’t want to give it up just because you’re too offended to see my point of view.”
Stop Leaving Your Mess For Me
“Everything just gets tossed in the sink, dried up and baked on, splatters and grease everywhere. But the last thing I want is a conversation about micromanagement.”
“Food all over the floor, counters, cabinets, stove, and in the sink. I’m not as good at cooking, but I clean as I go.”
Stop Drinking
“It’s a poor daily example to our kids, it’s draining our accounts, it’s terrible for your health, and it’s destroying our marriage. I have told her this; it doesn’t stick and usually causes a fight.”
“I divorced my ex-wife over this. She won’t change until she wants to change, maybe never.”
You’re Hypocritical
“When you win by a technicality, it’s okay. When I win by a technicality, I’m a jerk. Not cool.”
“It’s messed up because just about every woman agrees with you, and they know it’s a problem that women have, but then they turn around and do it anyway.”
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